


To hell with being circumspect

by lifeisjuicy92



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-03
Updated: 2019-12-03
Packaged: 2021-02-18 13:02:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21661249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lifeisjuicy92/pseuds/lifeisjuicy92
Summary: Thomas Barrow gets a surprise visit from Richard one evening at Downton Abbey.
Relationships: Thomas Barrow/Richard Ellis
Comments: 20
Kudos: 218





	To hell with being circumspect

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fic I have ever written. 
> 
> Shoutout to Downtoncat for all the help you have given me while writing this!
> 
> Comments are welcomed.

November 1927

It was late in the evening and the servants had just finished their dinner. The radio, which was a welcoming change in the servant’s hall, was on and playing a jazz song at the moment. Thomas closed his eyes and listened to it. He felt tired and longed for his bed.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door.

“Albert, go and see who it is,” Mrs. Hughes said to the hall boy. Thomas’s eyes were still closed. He was so exhausted; he wasn’t even curious about who it could be, who was knocking on the door of the servant’s hall so late in the evening. But as Albert came back, he reluctantly opened his eyes.

“There’s a man here called Mr. Ellis,” said Albert. A familiar face showed up behind him.

“Hello, I hope I’m not intruding,” Richard said.

Thomas was shocked. He rose quickly to his feet, making the rest of the staff stand up as well.

“Mr. Ellis, what a surprise! What are you doing here?” Mrs. Hughes asked.

“I was visiting my parents in York and though I would pop in and say hello to you all.” He smiled and glanced quickly towards Thomas before looking at the rest of the staff again. “Or, I hope at least I’m welcome here, after the whole incident with the royal staff.”

“Of course you are welcome, you played a key part in our success,” said Anna and smiled. “Here, come sit down.” She moved further down the table, leaving the chair between Mr. Bates and Mrs. Patmore empty for Richard.

“I think we have some dinner left if you’re hungry,” said Mrs. Hughes and looked at Mrs. Patmore.

“Oh yes, we have some. Daisy, go get Mr. Ellis a plate.”

“Thank you,” said Richard and sat down. Thomas finally regained his composure and sat down too.

“How are you all doing?” Richard asked as Daisy put a plate of food in front of him.

“Oh you know, busy as ever,” said Mrs. Hughes.

They continued their talk; Andy and Daisy told Richard about their wedding plans, and Mrs. Patmore about a particularly difficult guest she had had at her guest house. Richard in turn told them about his work for the Royal family and what life was like in London.

Thomas tried to avoid looking at him too frequently. He put on a face which he hoped expressed polite interest, and hid his sweaty palms under the table. He couldn’t believe Richard was actually here. They had been writing letters back and forth since his visit almost four months ago. They had planned to meet in York on their next day off, but that was still weeks away. His sudden presence made Thomas feel quite taken aback.

As minutes went by the wind outside howled louder and louder. Mrs. Hughes wouldn’t listen to Richard’s excuses that he would stay at a pub for the night and she made sure the maids prepared a bed for him in one of the spare rooms. The servant’s hall quickly emptied, people either going home or to their beds upstairs, leaving Thomas and Richard alone.

They looked at each other. Thomas had been daydreaming about seeing Richard again every day for the past few weeks, and had been planning on what he would ask him and what they would talk about. But now that Richard was finally here, he couldn’t think of anything to say.

“Hi,” he managed. It was the first word he said to Richard all evening.

“Hi,” replied Richard and broke into a big smile. Thomas could feel butterflies in his stomach. He had forgotten how pretty his smile was. “I didn’t mean to show up here unannounced. I unexpectedly got a day off, I only found out about it yesterday. I would have come earlier today, but I knew you’d be busy”.

“No matter. I’m just glad you’re here. How are you?”

“I’m fine. Glad to be back in York, even if it’s just for a short time. And who can complain about getting some time away from Mr. Wilson?”

Thomas let out a small laugh. He remembered the arrogant “King`s Page of the Backstairs” vividly, and didn’t envy Richard having to work together with the man every day.

He let his eyes rest on Richard, free to look at him without worrying what the other staff members might think.

Richard’s straight posture from earlier in the evening was slightly more relaxed now. His hair was a bit longer than the last time Thomas had seen him. It was still somewhat ruffled from his walk from the station. He looked so handsome. Thomas still couldn’t believe he was here, now, alone with him.

They just continued to look and smile at each other, but then a slow song came on the radio. Richard stood up.

“May I have this dance?” he grinned and reached out his hand.

Thomas blushed a little, but his lips stretched into a big smile too. He took Richard’s hand and joined him. Richard put his other hand around Thomas’s lower back and pulled him close. The tiredness that Thomas had been feeling earlier was completely gone. Richard was a bit taller than him, and Thomas tilted his head slightly back to meet Richard’s blue eyes. They were standing so close Thomas was sure Richard could feel his rapid heartbeats. Their noses were just inches apart. It made Thomas feel somewhat lightheaded with delight.

They swayed slowly around the floor, Richard taking the lead. Thomas was used to leading, but in this case he didn’t mind letting Richard guide him. He always loved dancing, although he never got many chances to do it, not with a man anyway. He remembered the last time he let a man guide him across the dance floor, but he shook the thought off. No policemen were going to come crashing through the doors here.

“Can I kiss you?” Richard suddenly asked.

Thomas swallowed nervously. “Yes please,” he whispered.

Richard leaned in and their lips met. It felt like fireworks in his stomach. Richard’s lips were soft, and he kissed him with tenderness. Their first kiss the last time Richard was here ended abruptly because of Andy, but this time no one was there to interrupt them. They deepened the kiss, Thomas letting his tongue slip into Richard’s mouth. He ran his fingers through his soft hair, while Richard pulled him in so close it became hard to breathe. Thomas could feel all his blood rushing south. A low moan escaped his mouth, which encouraged Richard even more.

They pulled apart for air. Thomas rested his forehead against Richard’s. “Do you want to join me upstairs?” he asked. His voice was a bit shaky.

“You think that’s a good idea?”

“I don’t care,” said Thomas. To hell with being circumspect, he had longed for this long enough. Richard nodded and Thomas grabbed his hand and led him up the stairs.

The men’s corridor was dark and quiet. Thomas opened the door to his bedroom and let Richard walk in first. He quickly followed and closed the door without a sound. As soon as he turned around Richard pushed him against the wall and kissed him hard on the mouth, like he was desperate to feel Thomas’s lips again. He moaned and Thomas hushed him, fearing someone could hear them. He pushed himself away from the wall and took a couple steps forward, so that they were now both standing in the middle of the room.

They started to undress. Thomas took off his jacket and removed his tie, but he had trouble unbuttoning his shirt, because his hands were trembling so much. Richard noticed this and put his own hands over Thomas’s.

“Are you nervous?” he asked softly. Thomas nodded, not meeting his eyes. It was not only that he had been dreaming of this for a long time and built big expectations for the first time when they would be together like this, but he hadn’t been touched by another man since his swift affair with the Duke about fifteen years ago. What if he simply wasn’t good at this anymore?

“Don’t be,” said Richard. He leaned forward and whispered in his ear “I’ll be gentle.”

Thomas shuddered. He let Richard continue unbuttoning his shirt and then take it off. As he slowly began unbuckling Thomas’s belt, Thomas tried his best to control his unsteady breathing. He wasn’t sure if it was nerves or excitement, or maybe a bit of both. Richard let his pants and underwear slide off of him. He let his eyes run down Thomas’s body. Thomas felt weirdly vulnerable, standing there naked while Richard still had most of his clothes on. Richard lifted his hand and his fingers trailed down Thomas’s chest.

“You look beautiful. Come here,” Richard said and kissed him again, pulling him close. He could feel Richard growing hard under the fabric of his pants. Thomas, who now started to feel a bit impatient and more courageous, began to undress Richard as well, letting one item of clothing after the other hit the floor. Richard was tall and slim, his chest less hairy than Thomas’s. Thomas yearningly drank in the sight of him.

They lay down on Thomas’s bed. It really wasn’t big enough for the both of them, but they didn’t pay any attention to it. Richard rolled them over and rested on his forearms, looking at Thomas under him.

“Have you done this before?” Richard asked gently.

“Yes, but it’s been a while, I must admit.”

“Same here,” he whispered. He reached down and started to stroke Thomas slowly.

“Oh!” Thomas breathed in sharply. It had been so long. He had almost forgotten how it felt being this intimate with someone. He cupped Richard’s face with his hands and pulled him close, kissing him fiercely. Never had he felt something like this for another man. He’d been in love before, but his past romances were mostly a one-way street, always leaving Thomas broken-hearted in the end. Richard was the first person he felt he was on equal terms with, who he felt could understand him and accept him for who he really was.

Afterwards, they lay wrapped up in each other arms, legs entwined. Thomas was absentmindedly moving his hand up and down Richard arm. He couldn’t remember ever feeling so at peace.

“What are you thinking about?” Richard smiled into his hair.

“You, and how happy you make me feel.”

“Oh darling,” Richard sighed and kissed the tip of his nose. “You make me so happy as well. You have no idea how much I’ve longed to see you again.”

Thomas wrapped his arms around him and gave him a warm hug. He hoped he could pour all his feelings for Richard into that hug. Richard seemed to understand.

They continued to lie close to each other and talk for hours. They talked about everything; their upbringing, their interests and places they had visited.

Thomas could feel his eyelids getting heavy. He wanted to fall asleep like this, with Richard’s arms around him, but he knew they couldn’t. They had already pushed their luck enough as it was.

“I better go back to my room,” said Richard quietly, as if he were reading Thomas’s mind.

Thomas let out a heavy sigh. “I suppose you have to.”

He watched as Richard got up and put his clothes back on. Hanging his jacket over his arm, he leaned down and kissed Thomas lightly on his forehead.

“Sleep well my darling,” he whispered and left, closing the door behind him.

*

The next morning Thomas had to stifle several yawns during breakfast. He didn’t get more than two hours of sleep, but the memory of last night made him feel warm and fuzzy inside.

Daisy approached him with the kettle and poured more tea in his cup.

“Did you get any sleep last night?” she asked. Thomas almost chocked on his tea.

“I slept just fine, thank you,” he croaked. He could see Anna and Mr. Bates exchange a quick side glance.

“Are you sure? `cause you look – “

“Yes, thank you, Daisy!” he said in a sharp tone. Everyone went silent. He didn’t dare to look at anyone, least of all Richard, but he could feel their stares on him. He tried to concentrate on his toast, but his heartbeat quickened, and he felt a blush creeping up his neck. What if the rest of the staff began to suspect that Richard and he were engaging in something they didn’t approve of? Then he could kiss both his new relationship and his job goodbye.

“So, Mr. Ellis, what plans do you have for today?” asked Ms Baxter calmly, trying to defuse the sudden tension that filled the room.

“I should be going back to London. I don’t want to be in your way anyway, I know you all are busy.”

Thomas, still not looking up, felt his heart sink. Of course he knew Richard would leave, but the thought of not seeing him again for several weeks was gut wrenching. He just got here, and now he was leaving already.

The bells on the bell-board began ringing one after the other, and the servants finished their breakfast and started their work. Thomas and Richard stood up at the same time.

“Well, it’s time for me to go then,” Richard said.

“It was nice seeing you again,” said Mrs. Hughes and wished him a safe journey back to London. Richard picked up his suitcase and headed for the door. Thomas followed him.

“Well, off I go then,” Richard smiled, but there was a sadness in his eyes. Thomas gave him a weak smile, but it came off more as a grimace. There was so much he wanted to say, but with the others around he couldn’t say goodbye like he wanted to.

“I hope you’ll be back in York again soon,” he said instead.

“As often as I can,” Richard replied and gave him a wink. “Goodbye for now, Mr. Barrow.”

*

Later that evening Thomas finished up his dinner quickly and went back to his study. He closed the door and sank into his chair. He couldn’t take the others’ chit chat anymore. His mood had darkened more and more during the day. He missed Richard so much it felt like someone was clutching his heart. Last night was wonderful, but Richard’s absence now felt like a physical pain in his stomach. It felt unfair to finally be together with Richard again, only for it to end so soon. He knew he should be grateful for even being able to have a relationship with another man, considering his position, but the old resentment which he felt towards the world for condemning his sexuality awoke again. Stolen moments, always having to keep their guard up about what they said and did when other people were present, was all he and Richard could ever have. At least as long as they had the jobs which they had now. Seeing Daisy and Andy and Anna and Mr. Bates together, openly being in love without having to worry about others, was just too much for him tonight.

There was a knock on the door and Mrs. Hughes opened it and looked into the room.

“Can I come in for a moment?” She had two glasses of red wine in her hands. Thomas gestured her to sit down. She did so and handed him one of the glasses.

“I reckon you must be sad now that Mr. Ellis has left for London again?” she asked. Thomas glared down to the glass in his hand.

“Why do you say that?” It sounded more defensive than he had intended it to.

“Mr. Barrow, if I may speak frankly, we all here know of your preference-“ Mrs. Hughes hesitated. “I just mean, if you’ve found a kindred spirit, I’m happy for you,” she said in a warm tone.

To Thomas’s horror he suddenly felt a lump in his throat. He was taken back to the time when Mrs. Hughes found him outside in the rain, crying, after the whole unfortunate business with Jimmy, and tentatively listened to him telling her about his feelings for the footman and how he had misread the situation. Back then, Thomas was expecting her to be disgusted, instead she was kind and understanding.

“Thank you, Mrs. Hughes,” he said in a thick voice. She reached forward and gave his hand a light squeeze.

“Mr. Ellis seems like a nice man.”

“He is,” said Thomas and smiled.

“We’ll look forward to the next time he visits us.”

Thomas finally dared to look up at her. There was nothing but kindness in her eyes, and suddenly the heavy feeling in his chest seemed to lighten a little bit.

“Why don’t you tell me a bit about him?” she asked and took a sip of her wine.

So Thomas told her about some of the things Richard had told him, like him growing up in York and how he got his job at the Royal Household. Eventually, Mrs. Hughes wished him good night and went home to Mr. Carson, and Thomas was in a better mood than he had been an hour ago. A brief visit every once in a while was still the only thing he could hope for with Richard, but knowing that he had an ally in Mrs. Hughes, and Ms. Baxter and probably Anna too, made it a bit easier to bear. He thought he would write to Richard and tell him about this. And with that in mind, Thomas got up, turned off the lights and went to bed.


End file.
